And It Begins...

What branch of the tree are you?

2011-07-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

So.. I've become addicted to a new hobby. I had some time to fill and I decided that I would start poking around with some family tree reasearch. A few names from my aunt and I was off and running.

It's amazing what you can find and how far back you can go. I'm get getting started. It's easy to research in Canada, but I am getting to the point where I'm hitting immigration. And that means searching UK and some American records as well.

What intrigues me is the old documents. Handwritten birth records and census forms. Immigration ship logs. I don't know why, but it intrigues me.

Hopefully I can get farther and deeper into it and have something to show in the end.

So Much For That

2011-07-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

Yep, didn't keep my word on the weekly blogging. But I have a good reason. Maybe. I'm not 100% sure anymore.

Shortly after I began blogging again, I ended up in the hospital. A one week stay and released under strict surveillance. It seems that a condition I was diagnosed with, was diagnosed wrong. Ok, well wrong is not the correct word. They didn't realize that they were wrong at the time, but after 6 years, it has become clear to what it really is.

Do we want to get into medical crap? Doubtful. So I'll spare you the details. Let's just say for the rest of my life, I will be monitoring myself, being monitored by doctors. Being sent to specialists, starting next summer... all to prolong my life. It can't be cured and it will only get worse in time. But being on top of it should at least slow things down to add a few years to my life.

Doom and gloom aside..

Unfortunately my last employer was less then sympathetic and impressed about my condition. So I have moved on. I now work at a computer place doing reception and a bit of simple tech work. It involves no stress (at least not so far) gives me a steady shift of 9 to 5, mon to fri and is perfect for the time being. The pay is less then stellar, but for now, it is what I need to get healthy again. Who knows, it may work out and I will be there long term. We will see what the future holds.

Not much else to tell. I am starting relaxation yoga this Friday.... the city has been rained out, flash flooded and is a mess....camping trip is totally on...and although I haven't quite come to terms with it all, I am starting to feel better about things. My health will always be a struggle, but that just means I need to live the coming days to the fullest, in case something unexpected happens.

If you take anything from this post, it's just to enjoy the time you have. You really do never know what will happen tomorrow.

Don't Quit

2011-06-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Although I do have a lot that I could say... sometimes it's easier to just sum things up in a poem...enjoy...

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

My Goal

2011-05-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

Life throws a lot at us. The last blog post I made was just after I moved. I didn't have internet, an apartment or a job at that point. And for those things you will have to forgive the lack of posting.

One of my new goals for my "bucketlist" is to get back to blogging and to make at least one post a week. It may be more, but let's face it. Not everyday is exciting or enlightening and has a subject to blog about.

But now that things has settled, I think some interesting topics may come up.

For a quick update.... I am in my own place now. Well, living with my boyfriend, so our place. I was offered a job with amazing opportunities and things in general are crazy. But that's life I guess!

Blogging is important to me, but sometimes I have a hard time finding the balance between life and my online/computer hobbies.

Wish me luck!

If I Were A Criminal...

2011-03-24T16:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's hard to believe how stupid some people can be.

I have some friends who are into some....less then honorable practices. I don't judge. If that is the path they choose, that is completely and solely their choice. But, one could be smarter.

It takes me really barely at thought of all to think of what I would do differently. There has to be smart criminals out there...right? People get away with things every day. Theifs, murdered, drug dealers...every day someone does something and can successfully cover it up in order now to be caught. Yet, others... wow...

It's like they are just asking to be caught.

For example, if I were a criminal, i wouldn't leave my drugs laying out for all to see. Especially when I don't lock my doors. Hide that shit!!!

If I were a criminal, I would be a little more paranoid. Not act as if I am lord of the city and no one can touch me...when you think like that..someone will find you and touch you. Hard.

Does this not seem like Criminal Activity 101?? How can people be so stupid.

There are so many way to cover your tracks. Instead of leaving things out in the open and then try to play the "That's not mine" game with the authorities.

Idiots.

And It Begins..

2011-03-01T15:10:00.000-08:00

The plan is coming together and is in motion.

Over the weekend, I was offered a job back in my hometown. It's not a special job, or exciting, but it is a job. It's different and it gets me out from behind a desk for a bit.

My resignation was given. My notice on my apartment was given. All that is left is to pack and move things. As much as I can in the next 2 weeks, and then back on the weekends I guess to finish up.

I'm excited and nervous and scared. Moving to a new province is a lot of work, but I need the change. I'm ready for the change. I think...

Yes, I Realize...

2011-02-23T15:07:00.000-08:00

Yes, I realize I haven't written since before Christmas. That's what blogs are for... they are personal and updated when the time is right.

To be honest, life is crazy...retarded...changing everytime I turn around. But I miss blogging. I miss writing. And so among the craziness I will find time to do it all once again.

As of today, I am back in my apartment after some renovations. It's wonderful to be home, let me tell you. But as I say the word "home"...it's not really home. I have been applying and working towards getting a job back in Fort St John..

Why? I need a change. I need a full time job. I need to be with friends. I need to be with my boyfriend. (Yes, there is a bf in the picture...we will discuss that later.) It's just time.

I feel it deep inside. It's time for a change. Something in life has to change...especially the job front. That too, I will discuss at a later date. I am no fool and I will not post my feelings publically until I am clear of that place.

So I've missed you all... not to say that I haven't been reading everyone's blog. Because I have. But now it's time for me to get back into the groove of things and back to things that are important to me.

Oh the Internet Is Back...and so am I!

2010-11-15T19:06:00.001-08:00

Can I get a Woot Woot?

Finally, after a long month and a bit, the internet is finally here!!!! *hugs her 'puter tight*
Actually it wasn't as bad as I thought. But the nights were I was sitting at home, bored, I wished that I could log in and get a little LoTRO time. I survived it all...

So, I am happily settled into my apartment and loving it. My own space. My own rules. Love it. Life in general is going quite wonderfully. Although I am still working 2 jobs, the one has told me that I will be moving to full time hours in December. This decision has made me very happy. It's hard to come by a graphic design job...harder to find a full time one. So I am defiently looking forward to that.

Fort St. John has been my home away from home. There is consideration about eventually relocating there. But I'm not sure yet. The fact is, my friends are all there. I have very few friends in this city. Other then my family, there isn't anything really keeping me here. But that is a decision that won't be made for a long time.

:)

Coming to Terms

2010-10-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a story. Everyone can look back at themselves as teenagers or young adults and smirk at the way they thought back then. Some of it would seem ridiculous and immature. Yet other things will still shine clearly through, because no matter how we acted as our younger selves, that was still us. That person back then is what made the person now.

When I look back, I remember a lot of the confusion. Some things that I was forced to come to terms with at a young age, that maybe I wasn't quite ready for. I felt that I handled it well...but of course when you are young you feel like you have done everyone well. But in truth I did. I took the information that was given to me and lived my life with it. I learned it. The how and why. I researched it. I truely understood what it was that I was coming to terms with.

It was only in the last few years of my life, that I doubted all of that. All of what I knew and believed for 10 years just got up and walked out on me.

Then suddenly, before me, stood a decision. A decision I never thought that I would make. Others would make it, but not me. Yet here it was. And I thought about it and I made that decision. One that I thought was the right one. Not everyone thought so. Not everyone supported it.

Yet it was "everyone" that ultimately won. The decision that I made, didn't matter. Because in fact, what I was told that many years ago, was still true. Nature has decided to trick me and play a cruel joke. Laughing in my face as it pulled everything out from under me.

Set with that decision again, would I make the same choice? Probably not. The pain and frustration is not worth it to me. That's a weak answer. Because I know many who would gladly go through the world's worst torture to even just try. But not me.

Maybe that makes me an inferior human. Maybe it makes me a coward...weak...

Either way, it still makes me...me.

Changing With The Season

2010-09-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

Look, it's my blog and I'll post as little or as often as I want to. Truth be told, a lot has been happening and I just haven't been able to bring myself to sit down and write about it. Part of is was that I didn't want anyone to know yet...and the other part was that I really hadn't dealt with it myself yet.

Last time I posted, I was having some health issues (as usual!). Honestly, those are still going on. The doctor now has an idea of what it is. It's not life threatening. It's rare, but mearly annoying and not anything that will require drastic measures. We are just waiting on some testing as of right now.

Moving along...literally. I will be moving in October to a 1 bedroom apartment. The reasoning behind this is that Josh and I have decided to split up. This is a mutual decision, upon an few incidents that made both of us realize that we really are truely not happy. Not that it doesn't make it hard. I spent a good couple of weeks in a haze going through every emotion. But I've come to terms with things, and I am looking forward to being on my own. It's way over due...

Falling In

2010-09-07T17:57:00.001-07:00

It's not quite like falling in a pit. More like you were walking through the bush, stopped short at the hole and are wobbling back and forth, trying not to fall in.

That's what it's like when you know that it's coming. You know you will fall, it's just a matter of how long you can hold on and whether or not someone pushes you in.

Life is out of control for me. Both good and bad things are swirling around me at the same time...fighting against each other...deciding which one will win and get to affect me that day. I want to give in and let everything in all at once and see if it makes me implode (or explode even).

But I can't..and I won't.

I know this is another of my famously cryptic posts. But some things should not be revealed until...well until it is the right time. A select few of you may know what I'm talking about...but that is a very few indeed.

Always, All At Once

2010-08-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie, it's been a hectic couple of weeks.

Firstly, I have felt like crap for the last 6 days. Migraine, tired, moody...hungry. Pregnant, you ask? Doubt it. I believe it has to do with this...infection?...yes, lets call it an infection for now, that I'm fighting. The antibiotics that I was given worked slightly, but after treatment was finished things started back up again. So, until we know more, I am chalking up all these problems to my body working overtime to get rid of the unknown issue that I'm having.

In other news, I've had some great job interviews. But again, I am no longer getting hopes up. Just rocking the interviews and hoping that someone else doesn't rock theirs better.

There is a lot on my mind, but I'm not yet ready to share it. So for now, you will just have to wait a bit longer.

A New Assignment

2010-08-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

So it has come to the attention of many (myself included) that I need something to do. The job hunt is frustrating me and is starting to pull my confidence down a bit. It was suggested maybe I step back from that and try volunteering somewhere for a bit. Get my mind and body moving with something, even if that something doesn't pay.

I thought about it...I looked for opportunities within the city. Some were interesting, but none really struck me as something I would enjoy. However, one day while I was reading the ramblings of my fellow bloggers, I followed a link to one writers Examiner page. She just happened to be the Video Game Examiner for the site. And she told me to check things out, as there might be something I was interested in. I was curious to what this was all about...this was the first time I had visited this place. But it was quite clear that it is a popular place to go.

It is a dominatly US site, but I was curious at the "Write for Us" label and took a peek. Turns out they are expanding a Canadian Edition of the site and are still filling positions. In a "What the Heck" moment, I sent in my experience in the gaming community and a sample of writing.

Yesterday, they emailed me an offer to write for them! I believe this will fill my time quite nicely. I am filling in the position for Girl Gamer...meaning I get to write gaming articles on whatever my choosing, but giving them from a female perspective. I will be set up within the week, so today will be spent getting a bio ready and sending in the info that is needed for them to set up my access.

Welcome?

2010-07-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

Do I really need to welcome you back? Most of you are followers from before...some followers I have lost and, well, I'm not really that upset about it. I've never encouraged much public vocalization on my blogs, but privately, you can be sure that I had many discussions with people.

So where to begin...

This will be, as always, a personal blog for me. It might be a bitch about my day; it might be talk about a current world happening; it might just be something completely random that I decide that I want to share that day. There is no theme here.

Things should be tweaked and running after the weekend hopefully. I'll be working on it this week then taking off for a camping trip for the long weekend.

So, again, Welcome Back! Enjoy the ride!

I've tried to link to the blogs that I enjoy and read the most, but if you have a blog you want me to check out, let me know. I'm always happy to exchange links with someone and promote them if I like it.

Testing

2010-07-23T12:08:00.001-07:00

Just a first test post....working out some design kinks