Everyone has a story. Everyone can look back at themselves as teenagers or young adults and smirk at the way they thought back then. Some of it would seem ridiculous and immature. Yet other things will still shine clearly through, because no matter how we acted as our younger selves, that was still us. That person back then is what made the person now.
When I look back, I remember a lot of the confusion. Some things that I was forced to come to terms with at a young age, that maybe I wasn't quite ready for. I felt that I handled it well...but of course when you are young you feel like you have done everyone well. But in truth I did. I took the information that was given to me and lived my life with it. I learned it. The how and why. I researched it. I truely understood what it was that I was coming to terms with.
It was only in the last few years of my life, that I doubted all of that. All of what I knew and believed for 10 years just got up and walked out on me.
Then suddenly, before me, stood a decision. A decision I never thought that I would make. Others would make it, but not me. Yet here it was. And I thought about it and I made that decision. One that I thought was the right one. Not everyone thought so. Not everyone supported it.
Yet it was "everyone" that ultimately won. The decision that I made, didn't matter. Because in fact, what I was told that many years ago, was still true. Nature has decided to trick me and play a cruel joke. Laughing in my face as it pulled everything out from under me.
Set with that decision again, would I make the same choice? Probably not. The pain and frustration is not worth it to me. That's a weak answer. Because I know many who would gladly go through the world's worst torture to even just try. But not me.
Maybe that makes me an inferior human. Maybe it makes me a coward...weak...
Either way, it still makes me...me.
